27 July 2017 Just thinking about you and missing you

Dear Lucy Girl,

I just wanted to say hi. I've been missing you.

Yesterday I was in the bottom of a hole I had dug. Literally. I was in a hole I'd dug. Funny right? And I was listening to a podcast and something the person said reminded me of you. I broke down right there in the pit. I braced my arms against the dirt and dropped my head to sob. No one heard me down where I was. But I hope that you know somehow that I was thinking of you and missing you and never ever forgetting you.

I think about how you would be loving little Davie and helping us get ready for New Baby (we hope). We were telling the girls yesterday that Bethy is pregnant and that sometimes the baby doesn't get big enough. I thought of you again and wished so much that things had been different.

I talked about you again tonight. I was driving to Wray for a tutoring appointment and thought of a family who lived in Eckley. The Turvey's lost their daughter, Allison, last March in a car accident. As I spoke with Joni Turvey, the mom, I related to her that part of my special concern for her family was my empathy as someone who also lost a daughter. I think of you that way, Lucy. Not as a miscarriage, but as my daughter who died in childbirth. I hope I'm not wrong to think that or say that.

Wherever you are, I hope you know that I think about you often and that I miss you and long for the time when we can be together. I love you. And I hope you are patient with me and my many faults. I will try harder to be a good guy.

With love,

Your Poppa

30 Jan 2017

Dearest Lucy,

I had a very bizarre dream last night. It involved strange things like million step staircases, something related to Donald Trump, Downtown Abby (Daisy was serving me pizza and reminded me of my Lucy, at which time I began to bawl and bawl in my dream.) I woke up from my dream and thought I heard Emiko's voice saying, "Momma. Momma. Momma." It was clear but spoken in a whisper. I looked around trying to find her and asked her where she was. But then I heard David crying in his room. So I got out of bed to take care of him. Both Emiko and Rosie were sound asleep in their beds. While I nursed David back to sleep, I couldn't help wonder if that clear, audible voice I heard was yours. Did you wake me up so I could take care of little David? I was VERY tired last night. Where you watching out for him? I pray every night that angels will watch over my little ones while they sleep. Are you one of those angels, watching over your sisters and brother as they sleep each night? I said a prayer to Heavenly Father asking Him to let you know how much I love you. I hope you got the message, my sweet one. Even if it was only in a dream, it was a real treasure to hear your little voice and to hear you call me Momma.

I love you and miss you dearly.