Thursday, October 31, 2013
Dearest Lucy,
I just wanted to let you know that I have thought about you a lot these past weeks since Rosie’s birth. I thought about you when Rosie “came out” (as Emiko puts it). Feeling her tiny slippery body leave my body, felt very much like when you “came out”. As I sat in the hospital bed hours after Rosie’s birth, reflecting on that feeling at the moment of her birth, I felt grief that I never had the chance to hold you in my arms the way I was holding little Rosie in my arms at that moment.
I thought about you again when we had the incident with the insulation coming into the house through an unnoticed hole behind the oven, leaving a layer of lint all over the kitchen and office/nursery. Because of my hormones and anxiety levels I couldn’t cope with the mess and had to sit outside with Rosie and Emiko while Poppa cleaned up the mess. I saw two doves sitting on the telephone lines in the alley and they reminded me of a time five years ago when I saw two doves sitting on the telephone lines as I sat outside on the porch at Elba (in Costa Mesa, CA). At that particular moment I was overcome with feelings of grief and loss. It had been only a short time since you had left us and felt particularly sad at that moment. I remembered that moment and felt that same deep feeling of grief as I sat in the chair outside our house in Yuma unable to cope with a mess in our house.
Oh, how we miss you, little one.
-Momma
