Friday, February 14, 2014
Dear Lucy,
Today is Valentine’s Day.
Emiko asked about your blanket today. She thought it was Lisi’s blanket (Emily & Rob’s little girl Elise Huey). I explained to her that it is Lucy’s blanket. I told her about you and how you were with us for only a short time and then you went back to Heavenly Father. I told her that you are her big sister. Emiko said, “I just love her so much.”
We had a special Valentine’s dinner date (Cupid’s Crazy Cafe). It was really fun for Emiko to play like we were eating at a restaurant, ordering food on her menu, wearing a crown and a pretty necklace. It would have been so fun if you could have joined us. I don’t always think about it, but life would be so very different if you were still with us. I wonder if you are close, even though we can’t see you. I often sense someone near, or think I see someone from the corner of my eye. It’s probably just a reflection of light on the rim of my glasses, but I sometimes wonder if it is you close by, watching, seeing what we are doing.
Poppa mentioned you in our family prayer tonight. About how he hopes you know he thinks of you and how much he loves you. I miss you too.
My heart felt that aching loss, tonight, while sitting in a dark living room after watching a touching movie with Poppa (Departures, a Japanese film). I cried as I remembered how I never got the chance to see, or touch, or hold your tiny body. You were just suddenly gone. No special ceremony, no beautiful gown to dress you in, you were simply taken away. If I were the same person then that I am now, I would have given anything to hold you close to me for even just a few minutes.
I have become a firm believer, since Rosie’s birth, of babywearing and bed sharing. (These are attachment parenting ideas/practices.) I don’t think a baby can be spoiled by being held “too much.” I don’t really know why I’m telling you these things, other than they have been on my mind lately. But I guess what I’m trying to say is that I don’t think I’ll ever regret the amount of time I’ve spent holding and loving and caring for our little girls. All of the countless hours laying next to them in bed, waiting for them to fall asleep, and usually falling asleep myself in the process, figuring out how to do a variety of tasks with a baby in my arms, holding a baby over the potty over and over again while smiling, babbling, singing or telling stories to pass the time. I don’t think I will regret any of this. I know this time will be so short and pass too quickly. These beautiful girls will only be babies for a very short amount of time in their lives and mine.
Our time with you was cut short. So very short. I don’t ever want to look back and regret that I didn’t spend enough time with those whom I love most.
All my love...Happy Valentine’s Day...
-Momma
