Dear Lucy Girl,
Today we were in the car going to ride bikes at the church house. We put a car seat in for Baby Mai Li. Emiko got so excited. She said, If Lucy were still here, we would have the whole car full!
I miss you, sweet friend. I will try my very hardest to be better so we can be together.
With all my love,
Poppa
Saturday, March 17, 2018
Sunday, March 4, 2018
4 March 2018
Dearest Lucy,
I was listening to a beautiful performance by Evie Clair of a song titled, "To Where You Are" by Josh Groban. Part way through I thought of you. I thought about how much I wish I could see your beautiful smile. To hold you in my arms. To tell you how much I miss you. I couldn't hold back the tears as I listened to this beautiful music and thought of you, my little angel baby. The day I lost was the saddest day of my life. I hope I will always remember and always be true to my covenants and promises so that we can be connected to you for eternity. I love you my dear sweet Lucy.
I was listening to a beautiful performance by Evie Clair of a song titled, "To Where You Are" by Josh Groban. Part way through I thought of you. I thought about how much I wish I could see your beautiful smile. To hold you in my arms. To tell you how much I miss you. I couldn't hold back the tears as I listened to this beautiful music and thought of you, my little angel baby. The day I lost was the saddest day of my life. I hope I will always remember and always be true to my covenants and promises so that we can be connected to you for eternity. I love you my dear sweet Lucy.
Who can say for certain
Maybe you're still here
I feel you all around me
Your memories so clear
Deep in the stillness
I can hear you speak
You're still an inspiration
Can it be
Maybe you're still here
I feel you all around me
Your memories so clear
Deep in the stillness
I can hear you speak
You're still an inspiration
Can it be
That you are my
Forever love
And you are watching over me
From up above.
Forever love
And you are watching over me
From up above.
Fly me up to where you are
Beyond the distant star
I wish upon tonight
To see you smile
If only for a while
To know you're there
A breath away's not far to where you are.
Beyond the distant star
I wish upon tonight
To see you smile
If only for a while
To know you're there
A breath away's not far to where you are.
Are you gently sleeping
Here inside my dream?
And isn't faith believing
All power can't be seen
Here inside my dream?
And isn't faith believing
All power can't be seen
As my heart holds you
Just one beat away
I cherish all you gave me
Everyday
Just one beat away
I cherish all you gave me
Everyday
Cause you are my
Forever love
Watching me
From up above
Forever love
Watching me
From up above
And I believe
That angels breathe
and that love will live on
And never leave
That angels breathe
and that love will live on
And never leave
Fly me up to where you are
Beyond the distant star
I wish upon tonight
To see you smile
If only for a while
To know you're there
A breath away's not far to where you are.
I know you're there
A breath away's not far to where you are
Beyond the distant star
I wish upon tonight
To see you smile
If only for a while
To know you're there
A breath away's not far to where you are.
I know you're there
A breath away's not far to where you are
Thursday, July 27, 2017
27 July 2017 Just thinking about you and missing you
Dear Lucy Girl,
I just wanted to say hi. I've been missing you.
Yesterday I was in the bottom of a hole I had dug. Literally. I was in a hole I'd dug. Funny right? And I was listening to a podcast and something the person said reminded me of you. I broke down right there in the pit. I braced my arms against the dirt and dropped my head to sob. No one heard me down where I was. But I hope that you know somehow that I was thinking of you and missing you and never ever forgetting you.
I think about how you would be loving little Davie and helping us get ready for New Baby (we hope). We were telling the girls yesterday that Bethy is pregnant and that sometimes the baby doesn't get big enough. I thought of you again and wished so much that things had been different.
I talked about you again tonight. I was driving to Wray for a tutoring appointment and thought of a family who lived in Eckley. The Turvey's lost their daughter, Allison, last March in a car accident. As I spoke with Joni Turvey, the mom, I related to her that part of my special concern for her family was my empathy as someone who also lost a daughter. I think of you that way, Lucy. Not as a miscarriage, but as my daughter who died in childbirth. I hope I'm not wrong to think that or say that.
Wherever you are, I hope you know that I think about you often and that I miss you and long for the time when we can be together. I love you. And I hope you are patient with me and my many faults. I will try harder to be a good guy.
With love,
Your Poppa
I just wanted to say hi. I've been missing you.
Yesterday I was in the bottom of a hole I had dug. Literally. I was in a hole I'd dug. Funny right? And I was listening to a podcast and something the person said reminded me of you. I broke down right there in the pit. I braced my arms against the dirt and dropped my head to sob. No one heard me down where I was. But I hope that you know somehow that I was thinking of you and missing you and never ever forgetting you.
I think about how you would be loving little Davie and helping us get ready for New Baby (we hope). We were telling the girls yesterday that Bethy is pregnant and that sometimes the baby doesn't get big enough. I thought of you again and wished so much that things had been different.
I talked about you again tonight. I was driving to Wray for a tutoring appointment and thought of a family who lived in Eckley. The Turvey's lost their daughter, Allison, last March in a car accident. As I spoke with Joni Turvey, the mom, I related to her that part of my special concern for her family was my empathy as someone who also lost a daughter. I think of you that way, Lucy. Not as a miscarriage, but as my daughter who died in childbirth. I hope I'm not wrong to think that or say that.
Wherever you are, I hope you know that I think about you often and that I miss you and long for the time when we can be together. I love you. And I hope you are patient with me and my many faults. I will try harder to be a good guy.
With love,
Your Poppa
Monday, January 30, 2017
30 Jan 2017
Dearest Lucy,
I had a very bizarre dream last night. It involved strange things like million step staircases, something related to Donald Trump, Downtown Abby (Daisy was serving me pizza and reminded me of my Lucy, at which time I began to bawl and bawl in my dream.) I woke up from my dream and thought I heard Emiko's voice saying, "Momma. Momma. Momma." It was clear but spoken in a whisper. I looked around trying to find her and asked her where she was. But then I heard David crying in his room. So I got out of bed to take care of him. Both Emiko and Rosie were sound asleep in their beds. While I nursed David back to sleep, I couldn't help wonder if that clear, audible voice I heard was yours. Did you wake me up so I could take care of little David? I was VERY tired last night. Where you watching out for him? I pray every night that angels will watch over my little ones while they sleep. Are you one of those angels, watching over your sisters and brother as they sleep each night? I said a prayer to Heavenly Father asking Him to let you know how much I love you. I hope you got the message, my sweet one. Even if it was only in a dream, it was a real treasure to hear your little voice and to hear you call me Momma.
I love you and miss you dearly.
I had a very bizarre dream last night. It involved strange things like million step staircases, something related to Donald Trump, Downtown Abby (Daisy was serving me pizza and reminded me of my Lucy, at which time I began to bawl and bawl in my dream.) I woke up from my dream and thought I heard Emiko's voice saying, "Momma. Momma. Momma." It was clear but spoken in a whisper. I looked around trying to find her and asked her where she was. But then I heard David crying in his room. So I got out of bed to take care of him. Both Emiko and Rosie were sound asleep in their beds. While I nursed David back to sleep, I couldn't help wonder if that clear, audible voice I heard was yours. Did you wake me up so I could take care of little David? I was VERY tired last night. Where you watching out for him? I pray every night that angels will watch over my little ones while they sleep. Are you one of those angels, watching over your sisters and brother as they sleep each night? I said a prayer to Heavenly Father asking Him to let you know how much I love you. I hope you got the message, my sweet one. Even if it was only in a dream, it was a real treasure to hear your little voice and to hear you call me Momma.
I love you and miss you dearly.
Tuesday, April 12, 2016
12 April 2016
Dearest Lucy,
This past Sunday we had Rylee Harmsen over at our house after church. She came to help do some food prep for the Youth Standards Fireside later that evening. Emiko and Rose had a wonderful time playing with Rylee, showing her their treasures, having her push them on the swing, picking spring flowers in the yard to make a beautiful bouquet. They were in heaven. Emiko especially.
Poppa and I both reflected on what it would have been like for Emiko to have you here with us as her big sister. She would have loved to play with you. I know you would have watched out for her and taught her so many things, like big sisters do. I wonder if you are, in fact, watching out for her. Keeping an eye on her. You are our first child, Emiko is second, Rosie third, and David fourth. I sometimes forget that we have had four children, like many of my friends do now. I think of us as only having three children, well, that is what others see. But there is also our sweet Lucy-girl who we love. Emiko never forgets to count you in our family. She always remembers you. You are her big sister. She loves you and misses you too.
Thinking about you,
Momma
This past Sunday we had Rylee Harmsen over at our house after church. She came to help do some food prep for the Youth Standards Fireside later that evening. Emiko and Rose had a wonderful time playing with Rylee, showing her their treasures, having her push them on the swing, picking spring flowers in the yard to make a beautiful bouquet. They were in heaven. Emiko especially.
Poppa and I both reflected on what it would have been like for Emiko to have you here with us as her big sister. She would have loved to play with you. I know you would have watched out for her and taught her so many things, like big sisters do. I wonder if you are, in fact, watching out for her. Keeping an eye on her. You are our first child, Emiko is second, Rosie third, and David fourth. I sometimes forget that we have had four children, like many of my friends do now. I think of us as only having three children, well, that is what others see. But there is also our sweet Lucy-girl who we love. Emiko never forgets to count you in our family. She always remembers you. You are her big sister. She loves you and misses you too.
Thinking about you,
Momma
Saturday, September 26, 2015
Saturday, September 26, 2015
Dear Lucy,
I thought about you tonight while I was watching the General Women's Broadcast at the church. The Spirit whispered something to me and I wanted to make sure I wrote it down.
Emiko talks about you all the time. I have wondered whether or not we should say things about you when we don't really know for sure everything about you. For example, we really don't know for sure if you were even going to be a girl. I had a dream that you were a girl while I was pregnant and your cousin Isaiah named you Lucy one night before going to bed when you were in my tummy. So that is why we thought you were a girl and why we named you Lucy. After your loss I have pray with all my heart for answers to know if you are really a part of our family, if your existence in my belly was enough for you to progress on, etc. I never got a sure answer about how things will work out in the end with you. The answer I did receive was that it is okay for me to not know/understand everything right now. And I did receive the assurance that everything will work out fine and I don't need to worry about it. So back to my concern, with so much uncertainty and lack of complete understanding, do we talk about you, Lucy, to our children like you really are a part of our family? This has been a bit of a dilemma for me recently.
This is what I thought/felt/learned tonight from the Spirit. I think that we should talk about our baby Lucy who was a part of our lives for such a short time. We should tell our children what we "understand" or believe about you and how we feel about you and about all that we learned from you during your very short time with us and how your existence still affects us today and how we continue to learn from you even though you are not with us. The impression I received tonight from the Holy Ghost was that in the world our children are growing up in this may be a very beneficial/effective way to teach them that it's okay to not know everything. It is okay to live without having a complete understanding of things right now. There are things that we can be sure about and we can hold on tight to those truths. And it is okay to have certain things we don't understand completely and we can still trust in God that things will work out fine any way. It may help our children to see that we as their parents have great hope that we will see our Lucy girl again some day and for them to see our confidence and surety that our family is sealed together eternally because of the covenants we've made in the temple. But it is also important for them to know that even if what we think about how things are with our Lucy or what we think about how they will be someday are completely wrong, that we will accept God's will and trust that His plan for us is right and complete and perfect no matter what that may be. Learning about Lucy, their big sister, in this way may be a key to teaching our children to learn to exercise faith even amidst uncertainty.
Does this make sense? It made sense to me when I had these thoughts and feelings during the conference. I felt a lot of peace and assurance concerning the matter. I am so grateful for the inspiration that comes from the Holy Ghost and I'm grateful that I chose to be in a place tonight where I could feel that influence and receive that inspiration that I didn't even know I needed.
I love you Lucy. I will not be so hesitant to speak of you any more. I know that you will continue to bless our family even though you seem so far away from us right now.
Tonight Poppa and the girls were watching "Tangled" and the part at the end always makes both of us cry. The King and Queen are reunited with their long lost daughter for the first time. They realize that she is in fact their little girl and immediately they fall down to their knees in loving embraces, the mother and father surrounding their daughter in their love and hugs. Maybe someday we will be able to experience that same joyful reunion with you, our precious little one.
Thinking of you and loving you with all my heart,
Momma
I thought about you tonight while I was watching the General Women's Broadcast at the church. The Spirit whispered something to me and I wanted to make sure I wrote it down.
Emiko talks about you all the time. I have wondered whether or not we should say things about you when we don't really know for sure everything about you. For example, we really don't know for sure if you were even going to be a girl. I had a dream that you were a girl while I was pregnant and your cousin Isaiah named you Lucy one night before going to bed when you were in my tummy. So that is why we thought you were a girl and why we named you Lucy. After your loss I have pray with all my heart for answers to know if you are really a part of our family, if your existence in my belly was enough for you to progress on, etc. I never got a sure answer about how things will work out in the end with you. The answer I did receive was that it is okay for me to not know/understand everything right now. And I did receive the assurance that everything will work out fine and I don't need to worry about it. So back to my concern, with so much uncertainty and lack of complete understanding, do we talk about you, Lucy, to our children like you really are a part of our family? This has been a bit of a dilemma for me recently.
This is what I thought/felt/learned tonight from the Spirit. I think that we should talk about our baby Lucy who was a part of our lives for such a short time. We should tell our children what we "understand" or believe about you and how we feel about you and about all that we learned from you during your very short time with us and how your existence still affects us today and how we continue to learn from you even though you are not with us. The impression I received tonight from the Holy Ghost was that in the world our children are growing up in this may be a very beneficial/effective way to teach them that it's okay to not know everything. It is okay to live without having a complete understanding of things right now. There are things that we can be sure about and we can hold on tight to those truths. And it is okay to have certain things we don't understand completely and we can still trust in God that things will work out fine any way. It may help our children to see that we as their parents have great hope that we will see our Lucy girl again some day and for them to see our confidence and surety that our family is sealed together eternally because of the covenants we've made in the temple. But it is also important for them to know that even if what we think about how things are with our Lucy or what we think about how they will be someday are completely wrong, that we will accept God's will and trust that His plan for us is right and complete and perfect no matter what that may be. Learning about Lucy, their big sister, in this way may be a key to teaching our children to learn to exercise faith even amidst uncertainty.
Does this make sense? It made sense to me when I had these thoughts and feelings during the conference. I felt a lot of peace and assurance concerning the matter. I am so grateful for the inspiration that comes from the Holy Ghost and I'm grateful that I chose to be in a place tonight where I could feel that influence and receive that inspiration that I didn't even know I needed.
I love you Lucy. I will not be so hesitant to speak of you any more. I know that you will continue to bless our family even though you seem so far away from us right now.
Tonight Poppa and the girls were watching "Tangled" and the part at the end always makes both of us cry. The King and Queen are reunited with their long lost daughter for the first time. They realize that she is in fact their little girl and immediately they fall down to their knees in loving embraces, the mother and father surrounding their daughter in their love and hugs. Maybe someday we will be able to experience that same joyful reunion with you, our precious little one.
Thinking of you and loving you with all my heart,
Momma
Thursday, September 10, 2015
9 Sept 2015 Hi from Poppa
Dear Lucy Girl,
Today was your special day. I think about you often and wish that we could get to know you properly. Someday, right?
The new school year is shaping up. I have been concerned about how mean I am to the kids in the hallways lately. I get so annoyed that they walk down the hallways and just blab on like there's no one else in the whole school. Seriously!
Your little sisters are doing well. They are growing up like little weeds--cute and happy weeds, that is. They know you only through story and imagination. And in some ways, your Momma and I know you the same way. As we imagine and hope for you, as we remember the smallest details.
Tell Popo hi for me and be patient for us. We want to see you so much, but I guess we have plenty of things to do here. Who knows? You do your best and we'll do ours. Our Heavenly Father will make sure everything works out in the end. I'm sure of it.
May God bless you, Little Lucy. My sweet, sweet friend. Be good where you are and keep an eye on us. We need you in our family always.
With all my love,
Poppa
Today was your special day. I think about you often and wish that we could get to know you properly. Someday, right?
The new school year is shaping up. I have been concerned about how mean I am to the kids in the hallways lately. I get so annoyed that they walk down the hallways and just blab on like there's no one else in the whole school. Seriously!
Your little sisters are doing well. They are growing up like little weeds--cute and happy weeds, that is. They know you only through story and imagination. And in some ways, your Momma and I know you the same way. As we imagine and hope for you, as we remember the smallest details.
Tell Popo hi for me and be patient for us. We want to see you so much, but I guess we have plenty of things to do here. Who knows? You do your best and we'll do ours. Our Heavenly Father will make sure everything works out in the end. I'm sure of it.
May God bless you, Little Lucy. My sweet, sweet friend. Be good where you are and keep an eye on us. We need you in our family always.
With all my love,
Poppa
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