Dear Lucy,
I thought about you tonight while I was watching the General Women's Broadcast at the church. The Spirit whispered something to me and I wanted to make sure I wrote it down.
Emiko talks about you all the time. I have wondered whether or not we should say things about you when we don't really know for sure everything about you. For example, we really don't know for sure if you were even going to be a girl. I had a dream that you were a girl while I was pregnant and your cousin Isaiah named you Lucy one night before going to bed when you were in my tummy. So that is why we thought you were a girl and why we named you Lucy. After your loss I have pray with all my heart for answers to know if you are really a part of our family, if your existence in my belly was enough for you to progress on, etc. I never got a sure answer about how things will work out in the end with you. The answer I did receive was that it is okay for me to not know/understand everything right now. And I did receive the assurance that everything will work out fine and I don't need to worry about it. So back to my concern, with so much uncertainty and lack of complete understanding, do we talk about you, Lucy, to our children like you really are a part of our family? This has been a bit of a dilemma for me recently.
This is what I thought/felt/learned tonight from the Spirit. I think that we should talk about our baby Lucy who was a part of our lives for such a short time. We should tell our children what we "understand" or believe about you and how we feel about you and about all that we learned from you during your very short time with us and how your existence still affects us today and how we continue to learn from you even though you are not with us. The impression I received tonight from the Holy Ghost was that in the world our children are growing up in this may be a very beneficial/effective way to teach them that it's okay to not know everything. It is okay to live without having a complete understanding of things right now. There are things that we can be sure about and we can hold on tight to those truths. And it is okay to have certain things we don't understand completely and we can still trust in God that things will work out fine any way. It may help our children to see that we as their parents have great hope that we will see our Lucy girl again some day and for them to see our confidence and surety that our family is sealed together eternally because of the covenants we've made in the temple. But it is also important for them to know that even if what we think about how things are with our Lucy or what we think about how they will be someday are completely wrong, that we will accept God's will and trust that His plan for us is right and complete and perfect no matter what that may be. Learning about Lucy, their big sister, in this way may be a key to teaching our children to learn to exercise faith even amidst uncertainty.
Does this make sense? It made sense to me when I had these thoughts and feelings during the conference. I felt a lot of peace and assurance concerning the matter. I am so grateful for the inspiration that comes from the Holy Ghost and I'm grateful that I chose to be in a place tonight where I could feel that influence and receive that inspiration that I didn't even know I needed.
I love you Lucy. I will not be so hesitant to speak of you any more. I know that you will continue to bless our family even though you seem so far away from us right now.
Tonight Poppa and the girls were watching "Tangled" and the part at the end always makes both of us cry. The King and Queen are reunited with their long lost daughter for the first time. They realize that she is in fact their little girl and immediately they fall down to their knees in loving embraces, the mother and father surrounding their daughter in their love and hugs. Maybe someday we will be able to experience that same joyful reunion with you, our precious little one.
Thinking of you and loving you with all my heart,
Momma
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