My Sweet Lucy Angel,

Today is your special day! This has been your special day for 16 years! How has the time gone by so fast? Yet it feels like only a short time ago.

Did you know today was also President Russell M. Nelson's 100th birthday.

I've been thinking about you a lot lately. I watch Emiko trying her very best to be the oldest big sister. She turned 13 on Friday. How much she would have loved to have a big 16 year old sister who she could share Webtoons with and who could give her advise about surviving middle school and navigating the world of boys. I'm glad she has Mika. Mika would have loved the attention I'm sure you would have given her, especially during this tender time with the loss of her mom.

A few weeks ago, my friend Arlene Roberts lost her 18 year old granddaughter suddenly to a tragic accident. That night as I was looking at my own precious children sleeping, I wondered how hard it would be to lose one of them suddenly. Then I was reminded that I do know what it's like to lose a child suddenly. In that moment I re-lived the details of that painful day, the most painful day of my life, when we suddenly and unexpectedly lost you, our sweet Lucy. 

It is heart-wrenching to lose a child. 

This morning I was in a lot of pain. So much pain. I was praying to God, telling Him how hard this is, to hurt all of the time and to feel like I'm working so hard, but my progress is so small and so slow. I prayed for the ability to endure, to be patient, to not give up. I prayed for peace. 

With my head bowed, I suddenly felt that familiar, heavenly, peaceful calm wrap around me. I instantly imagined being surrounded by a big group hug from so many who have passed on already. I then imagined each one individually giving my a big hug, without words, but with empathy and understanding: Melissa, of course; Ben's mom Susan; Ben's grandpa Hall Lew; my grandparents Mary Rhodes, Gloria Ellingson, Wayne Ellingson; my aunt Diane Smith; and YOU, my sweet Lucy. The floodgates opened and I let the tears of pain and anguish flow freely. 

Then I was blessed with the ability to go to sleep and find a few minutes of relief from my pain.

The Lord always sends me the comfort and help I need when it seems like it is all too much to bear. Today He sent me you. I don't actually know if you were there, or anyone else I imagined. But just imagining that it was so, made it feel so real and brought me great comfort. 

I love you and miss you dreadfully. 

Say hi to Melissa. Tell her that I'm trying to do my best to love and care for her children. Tell her I miss her so much. 

All my love,

Momma

21 June 2022 Today Momma is in surgery

Dear Lucy,

Today Momma is in surgery. I prayed before we left the hotel this morning that you or Popo would be there to hold her hand after I had to go. I think about you often and wonder how you are doing. 

We are having so much fun playing RPGs right now. I wonder if you would be helping me GM games and perhaps even writing your own APs. Thank you for looking out for us and supporting us. We love you and miss you and think of you always. 

With love,

Your Poppa

30 Sept 2021 Hi from Pop

Dearest Little One, 

I was writing in my own journal about a series of unlikely and unplanned events that have resulted in very good-strange outcomes when I came across your journal. I am glad that I landed here. Oh, Little One! I have a picture on my phone of your sisters sitting on the concrete border of Veterans Memorial Park. They are smiling and beaming with sisterly love. Someday, I hope to have all four of you together, lined up and smiling at me. 

Sweet Lucy, I hope these words find you across whatever expanse separates us now. If not these words, then surely the pure expressions of love I feel in my heart for you--these must surely reach you and confirm to you that you are not forgotten. We miss you and hope that you will be patient as you wait for us. 

With all my love, 

Poppa

16 September 2021

 I was just writing in the other kids journals and wanted to say...

I love you.

I miss you.

-Momma

13 Feb 2021 Rainbow Dance Party

Lucy,

We had a really fun day today! It was cold and snowy outside. We had a fire going in the stove. Emiko, Rosie and Poppa played their RPG of the shadow beast. The kids all munched on their Valentine candy from school all day. Then tonight, we had a RAINBOW DANCE PARTY! We had a rainbow snack and the kids all dressed up in their favorite dance outfits and danced the night away. It was a really beautiful night full of happiness and love. I wondered at one point tonight if you were near by. We sure do miss you. I think both Emiko and Rosie could really use the help of their big Sis. It's been a hard year for everyone, but I think it's been especially hard on those two. Just wanted you to know I love you and think about you often and miss you terribly.

-Momma 

18 Sept 2020

I realized this week that your special day passed last week (Sept. 9th - 12th Anniversary) and I had forgotten all about it. I felt sad about that. I guess it's been pretty crazy around here lately. COVID-19 has really turned things upside down on our heads this year. Plus, my health has not been good. I'm hoping to find out soon if I will be able to have a surgery to help me feel a little better. Wouldn't that be great?

Wow, twelve years! I wonder what it would be like to have a 12 year old in our family right now. I bet you'd be super helpful and responsible. Oh, I bet you'd have been such a big help with David...and Mai Li...and Rosie...and Emiko...

They all love you.

I love you...

And miss you...

-Momma

29 April, 2020 We didn't have a grave for you...

Lucy,

We didn't have a grave for you...

This is your cousin Abigail. It was her birthday yesterday. She would have been 11 years old, just like you. Something wasn't quite right with her body when she was born. It was very sad for her Momma and Poppa to say goodbye to her so soon.

Now she has four siblings. Claire was adopted. Since then her momma (Katie) has had two more girls and recently a boy (who looks just like his dad Chris). They are happy kids. I'm sure they miss their big Sis Abigail, just like your siblings miss you.

Abigail's family had a picnic at her grave yesterday to celebrate her birthday.

I got a little teary looking at this photo. We didn't get to have a grave for you. If we did it would have said, "Lucy Shizuko Inouye September 9, 2008."

I have not forgotten you baby. I miss you terribly. Emiko reminds me frequently that things would have been different if you had been here and if she had had a big sis.

I love you my sweet little Lucy. Just wanted to let you know I'm thinking about you. Hope you and your cousin Abigail are happy in heaven together.

Love,
Your Momma